Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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