eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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