So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
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You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
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also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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