Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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