mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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