THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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