I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I think your dad took our porno
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Im part way to drunk.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
