So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
