She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
