My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
