carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
