I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
