Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
