so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
