would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You were trust falling into bushes
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
