I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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