Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
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