she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
