3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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