i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
