I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
