Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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