I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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