:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
And then the night went full on bisexual.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
