That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
