allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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