Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
