hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
