Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
