I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
