That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
