That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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