I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Fuck appropriateness.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
