So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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