Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
