I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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