K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize