yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
My liver just had a heart attack.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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