she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
