a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
