non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
