If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
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Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
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I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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