I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
