I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
