if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
ttyl tear gas
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
