No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
it glows. i had to have it.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
