You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
