I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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