i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
