dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
