are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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