A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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