Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
