left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
