i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
