How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize