You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
