I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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