make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
