She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
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when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
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We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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