just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
