I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
