I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
