It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
