Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
