I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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