I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Verdict: uncircumcised.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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