I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
