I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
