On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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