You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
