I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
