the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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