Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
