my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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