if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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