so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I think people are normalizing furries
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
