Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
