i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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