wanna go halves on a baby?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
