They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Randomize
