Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.