i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
