Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I'm going to jail i love you
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
