Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
