who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
